Early last year I had a fateful hospital stay; I went into sepsis from a bacterial infection and ended up in the ICU. I was very surprised by this because I don’t even get the flu each year. I had “great health” in my opinion and I was always very careful about hygiene so as to not pick up any infections. Falling this ill was not something I expected. While I was in the hospital, the nurses made it clear to me that youth was on my side and allowed me to have a fairly quick recovery, and that many others aren’t so lucky. What they were saying was that my time on earth was almost cut short. After leaving the hospital I was in deep reflection. “If I had died, would I have been happy with the life I was living?” was the main thought. My answer was an immediate no, and the main reason was that all my plans of travel had not been fulfilled just yet. I hadn’t gone to see Asia, and this was one of my biggest dreams. I was in deep disappointment. I was disappointed that I had lost track of the things that really mattered. I never took the time for finding and doing the things that mattered to me -the things that made me feel alive and happy to be on this earth. That hospital visit seemed less like a terrible thing and more like a wake up call. It was decided. I would go to Asia for my birthday the following year.

My birthday is in April (I’m a taurus baby) and in the months leading up to my birthday I was extremely busy with all the things I was doing, but I was keeping it in the back of my mind that I needed to start planning my trip. Honestly, the thought of flying over 20 hours to the other side of the world was terrifying. The longest flight I had ever done before was a mere 6 hours in comparison, and I HATE flying. I hate the airport, I hate everything that goes into travel outside of actually getting to the destination. March arrived and I still hadn’t planned the trip or booked any flights. The guilt started to gnaw at me. How dare I have such a huge wake up call and not even keep the promises that I made to myself? I knew that if I didn’t go on this trip, regret and guilt would wear at me. I pushed through the fear, did my research and made my plans.

The night before the trip I could barely sleep, which was worrisome because I had to wake up at 4am to catch my flight. I had so much anxiety, I actually considered just missing the flight and not going on the trip. I can now say I am SO happy that I did not listen to the fear because I had such a good time on my trip. Granted, I did have a panic attack on my first night because the realization that I was so far away from home and by myself in a country on the other side of the world started to hit me. However, in that moment I transmuted that fear into excitement. I told myself that I was going to have the best time, and that is exactly what happened. It was the best birthday I have ever had. Thailand was so much better than I could have expected. The people are so warm and welcoming. The energy was so palpable. And for some reason, everyone seemed so happy. It was a contagious kind of happiness that I caught from my first day in Bangkok.

This story is the definition of “do it scared”. What many people, myself included, sometimes fail to recognize is that there is no one in this world who has it all figured out, and no one is certain of themselves 100% of the time. Many times, the people who do great things, are doing it while being scared. It is in these uncomfortable moments that we find our strength and our confidence. For myself, this trip to Thailand has opened up the world to me, it has reduced the fear I have of traveling to faraway places. This was the first step that I needed to go on the journey to achieve my dream of traveling in Asia. Many times that first step is the hardest, but pushing through that fear and discomfort is exactly what you need to get so much closer to realizing your goals.