By: Gabby Morales
Pronouns (She/They)
New Jersey, USA
“To keep fighting, to keep on taking up space, to keep sharing our stories!”
My Story
I identify as a nonbinary masc lesbian. I grew up in a very religious household and in a very Hispanic way. Being myself has never been easy, and it still isn’t. I still don’t have a good relationship with my family, constantly trying to be careful about what I talk about, not trying to give my grandmother a heart attack for saying “gay things”. Those are just a few of the things that tell you a little bit about my story, but don’t worry, things do get better! I build community, have chosen family, incredible friends and a loving partner! Things that I thought I could never have! But I have it now and so much more! I can’t wait to tell you!
My coming out story was not pretty to be honest. I was pressured to come out because my education and future was being threatened. At the age of 15, my third my sister came out to my mom and it was hell. My mom took my sisters and I to church to talk to the pastor. There I was quiet and to be honest, I did not want to be there. I knew I was keeping a secret and I didn’t want them to know. So I kept to myself and I was quiet, not really paying attention to what they were doing or saying. The pastor eventually noticed how I wasn’t paying attention. She came over to me and said, “you’re hiding something, I don’t know what it is but you’re keeping something from your family”. I immediately disagreed and told her “no I’m not!” From that moment on, I knew it was over for me.
After the pastor was done talking and we were on our way come my mom immediately turned to me and asked, “so what is it that you’re hiding from me?” And I said, “nothing I don’t want to talk”. She then said, “ well you better talk by the time you get home or else you’re not going back to college tomorrow”. I got super frustrated and told her, “but I have classes and I need to go to practice, I need to go back to college tomorrow!” She did not care.
I knew that night was going to be the worst night of my life. As soon as I got home, I went into her room and I sat on her bed and told her that what I had been hiding was that I had been dating a girl and that I liked girls. She immediately started crying like someone she really loves had died! We talked all night, she even showed me videos when I got baptized and how she couldn’t understand why this was happening to her. That night wasn’t the worst part, it was the next day when she couldn’t even look at me and pretend like I wasn’t in the house and then eventually told me that if I wasn’t going to continue to be with that girl I needed to leave her house immediately. That night, I grabbed what I could and went back to school.
Finding Community
One of the people that shaped who I am today was my 7th and 8th grade lacrosse coach! Coach Jackie! I will never forget her and all she did for me! I truly believe she was the first person that tried to show me who I really was and what I was capable of! She saw me for me. Never judged me, was always there to push me, tried to give me what my mom couldn’t. I know that sounds crappy to say but she truly believed that I was going to be something, someone great! I always felt like I was enough!
Breaking Assumptions
That is a good question, and the only thing I can think of is that people think I am intimidating and not approachable. I can tell you that is not true at all! Not only am I the biggest mush lol I am also super friendly and love to help people! I love getting to know others and build community! I wouldn’t be where I am at today if it wasn’t for all the kindness and love our community has given me! I want to give that back!
Looking Forward
I wish I saw more queer Latinx representation, more trans representation! More people of color! I know we are working towards it but it’s not enough! Even in our own community!
I want to be featured in Orbit Utopia because I’m not an influencer, I am not doing this for “clout”. I want to share my story so that other queer people, Latinx people, people with religious trauma, people that feel alone, people in our community that have lost hope know that we can do anything! We can overcome anything! That we don’t need to be influencers or someone with status to be happy and successful! To reminds us that community is there and it is important! That we can have chosen family and we will find love! We will find love in everything, in ourselves, in who we are, what we stand for! To keep fighting, to keep on taking up space, to keep sharing our stories!
Connect
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gab_moral?igsh=MWJrcGUweXg5c2gzZA==
